Yep like superman.
We all have different identities. We are different at home than we are at work. Or there would be problems... I mean bringing 'work head' home can lead to a pissed off family, and if you brought chilled out, short wearing, snack eating, home 'you' to work... :0)
These two can be broken down even further:
- at home alone
- at home with partner
- at home with children
- when we are with our parents
- at work at home
- at work in the office
- at work with a client
- when we are feeling ill
- when we have a diagnosis
- menopause
- student
- newly qualified
- supervising solicitor/head of department
So what am I talking about? Well, not anything that needs medical intervention, but the different parts of our whole personality that we either bring to the forefront or suppress depending on the situation we find ourselves in. We usually do this without conscious thought. Although if anyone has experienced the need to go to the gym or for a run before heading home after a long day at work to clear your head will know that sometimes the shift can be difficult, but also that it is within our control.
As another example, I know I swear. Quite a lot especially if I am excited. But also just in general conversation as I see them as sometimes useful words to help communicate or emphasise the message I am trying to convey. But I never swear in front of my parents. Nor in court, or in an interview. Or with a client that doesn't swear. And thankfully I do this automatically.
So why should anyone care? Well, only if you are a human behaviour geek (like me), or if things aren't working as well as you'd like.
It comes up a lot with students when they qualify. Some struggle with their new identity, not because they are unable to do the work but because they are approaching it from their student mindset and identity. And it requires an adaptation or 'level up'. But if we don't know what is causing the issues (such as self-doubt, frustration with life/work, being more argumentative than normal or is good for you, denial that this is how it is now, feeling a bit lost and not sure why, confidence issues, rebellious thoughts and behaviour) then how are we to try and resolve them as quickly and efficiently as possible?
So as a possible starting point for you resolving any identity mismatch:
- What is the role? (be clear on which identity specifically you are considering)
- What are the personality traits, the mindset, and approach that you think will be best suited to achieve success in this role? (make a list so you can see it written down and your brain can't overcomplicate, change, or make it hazy and unclear)
- Which ones do you already use in this role? (tick them off - well done!)
- Of the ones not ticked, which one do you think is the most important to the success of the role?
- Think back to when you may have used that in another role. If you can't think of an example, then think of others around you when they have demonstrated it. What did you (or them) do specifically?
- How might you bring this into your role? Experiment and 'try it on for size'. If it is not quite right then you know you can just tweak it and try again.
Once you have the list, you can give yourself credit for those already under your belt and also consider whether any on there would benefit from you getting support from a mentor (or a coach). Who do you know that is the epitome of that trait or skill? Unlike superman with his non-human superpowers, even if some people seem like naturals ('they were born with it!') at something, that does not mean it is something that can't be learnt or grown. But only if you want to.
