So I have put this as a key skill because it came up at work. But that's not to say it isn't a useful question to ask ourselves in our personal lives too - ie. when someone doesn't say thank you for you holding the door for them...grrr :0)
So my work example that prompted this thought was being shouted at by the client I had turned up for to fuck off. Literally the only words he said, on repeat were 'fuck off' - the volume at least did change (it got louder).
The officers seemed concerned I would be upset by this. I suppose I had just travelled 40 minutes to get there... and that's when I realised that maybe my response was not the normal one...
So I thought about it and realised I had three options...
- Take it personally - he didn't like the look of me, he probably thought I wasn't good enough (this is mind-reading).
- Take it personally professionally - he didn't think I looked like I was clever or good enough at my job (this, again, is mind-reading).
- Take it objectively - he didnt want to engage for some reason known to him. He may well be going through some things... (he IS sat in a cell) but that is nothing to do with me.
Now I can only hope in other areas of law the chance of being told to fuck off by your client is low. But that isn't to say that they aren't just communicating it using nicer words or in a more professional manner - the meaning may be the same. So the same options apply if that happens.
The only difference is, if a client tells you they don't want your representation anymore, you likely have more of a dialogue opportunity than I did. So you can use this to respond in a way that leaves them able to come back later, by responding professionally. And this is far easier to do if you are responding from option 3. In fact, option 3 is the professional response.
The dialogue and the objectivity enables you to ask them if they are willing to share their reasons. Not so you can debate or argue with them, but so you can see if there is any learning to be had in the feedback. There may or may not be. Even if not, the fact you have respected their wishes and shown a desire to learn from them leaves a nice final impression of you on them. Remember, final impressions matter a lot in the professional world not just for repeat business but also for referrals.
NB. Even in personal life, the way someone doesn't say thank you, or is driving, or is eating loudly, etc. is usually absolutely nothing to do with you and so is not personal at all. So why respond with all that energy and upset as if they are disrespecting you? Or causing you to be late? Or trying to drive you insane? They might have no idea you exist, and/or have no clue what you are thinking in your head about what you think they are doing. And you expending all that thinking and energy towards them... to what end?
Is it personal?
Actually thinking about it, if they were doing it on purpose to annoy the shit out of me, then I probably wouldn't want to give them the satisfaction! ;0)
It may just be me, but it makes sense to me to choose the easier life (and the lowest blood pressure).
