I don't mean fabric patterns obviously. I mean patterns that we have played out repeatedly throughout our life. In particular those when we are feeling tired or out of sorts. Because that's when the circumstances are more likely to bypass new understanding and rely on old habitual identification of patterns and their subsequent behaviour and responses. Very similar in 'cause and effect' to phobias.
Now there is nothing wrong with this in some respect. I mean, the brain is doing its job and keeping us alive. They have worked well at this in the past so why not repeat as necessary? So obvious thanks goes to my brain. Much appreciated. However some patterns we have outgrown or know better now, and they just aren't the most helpful or useful responses to whatever is happening.
Firstly we need to remind ourselves that all circumstance is neutral. Also that no-one can make me feel anything without my choosing. Albeit when tired and the back up patterns get activated it can be hard to remember this. Also, one of my particular patterns leads me to believe I have the awesome superhuman ability to create or control how someone else is feeling. So I get upset/frustrated/pee'd off because I take them feeling upset/unappreciated/slighted, inside of me and believe that 'I did that'. Whereas I (the fully rested and aware part of me) knows better. In fact, however they respond is exactly right - for them.
It is their decision and they make that choice for themselves and how they see the world and their circumstances. They could see it in a different way if they wanted but that's not within my power to make them. I can hold a preference for them to choose again, from a place of love, but I cannot do it for them. And anyhow, with all this going on I have enough to focus on with my own brain and in dissecting how I responded. Not because that's necessary but because I enjoy it and I know the logical part of my brain helps to overule old unhelpful patterns. Basically, I am interested in how my brain works.
I also have that probably annoying habit of doing the dissecting in the moment and verbalising it. I am a verbal processor so it helps. I get it doesn't necessarily help the other person in what they may well be seeing as a conflict moment or confrontation, when I suddenly start asking myself questions and then answering them. Such as one time when I exclaimed in surprise: "oh I'm crying, why am I crying, am I upset, why am I choosing that, is it useful to release emotions or something?" Stream of consciousness download ha!
Anyway, it is good to know we can change them if we want to. But first we need to spot them (awareness = choice) and then it's up to us. What will we choose? Whatever we want to. It's all part of the experience :0)
Some popular patterns:
- I'll be happy when ... (next marker of accomplishment)
- I'm only as good as what I do/I'm only worth as much as I do/I am only of the same value as what I do
- It's my job to fix them/it
- I'll choose to emit a loud noise and 'flight' from the adrenalin options open to me, as that is the only way I will survive.
