So I just realised it was Friday, and oh my god it was afternoon already and I haven't done my post! Shit. I felt for almost a minute the normal, habitual criticism and beating up of self for not doing something. Then, thankfully rather quickly, I remembered that this is my own posting, for my own joy. I was the one who decided on Friday mornings around 11:30am, and I made that decision randomly, for no reason other than it felt like a good idea.
I remember all the other times I have done this to myself. Created a deadline and then got really down on myself for not hitting it. Even my daily to do list caused me not-great-feelings and a sense of failure if I didn't tick everything off in the day. Whether it was even realistically attainable, well that wasn't even a question I used to ask.
Now I check what's on the list in the morning and check in with myself. Is there something that causes dread or pre-procrastination feelings? Well, unless they are time sensitive they get moved to another day. If it is sometime which is time sensitive and today has to be the day then I look instead to clear some other tasks off the list instead, to give plenty of time and energy to the one that is essential.
Time sensitivity isn't a normal concern though simply as I pre-empt a lot of things and do them in advance when I feel like it. Although I cannot pretend the 'stick' of a deadline is a powerful motivator for me! :0) Perhaps it is just because now I try and do things that bring me love, joy, or ease, so there is no need for a stick. If it doesn't fulfil my criteria (my highest level values) I question whether I need to agree to it in the first place.
Back to the list - I would then check whether it is realistic with my energy levels that I can get everything left on there done in one day and still have some balance, some downtime.
Just on that, I used to put meditation, yoga, walk, on the list too. But then realised that it made them tasks, rather than a pleasure and a chance to relax which was kinda counterproductive so I stopped.
Now we have the amount of tasks to a realistic number where to start? Well, some of that will be common sense for you - if your brain is on and working maybe go for the task that will make the most of it. If it is yet to wake up fully or be fully energised pick something else. You know you better than anyone and will actually know how to organise your day for the most productiveness and ease. You just need to spend a little time thinking about it, and then trying it out. Like an experiment. And like an experiment, if it doesn't work as well as expected then tweak and try again.
It makes me wonder why we do it. Perhaps our brains don't like our not doing what it says and so feels the need to hold us accountable? It doesn't think we can be trusted. Although that in itself is counterproductive surely? Making us feel bad makes us less likely to have the motivation, desire, or enthusiasm to do the thing. But then it is just our brain running patterns habitually. So as our brain is a tool we use, perhaps this is just one of the patterns that we need to consciously update.
Surely we only have a responsibility to hold ourselves accountable to the extent that we are looking after ourselves. Whatever that means for us. Maybe I am just avocating for self compassion and kindness again. Or maybe I am trying to point you towards trusting yourself. If you haven't done something, maybe there is something to learn from this. So, take a moment to consider what the reasons are behind the non-completion.
Maybe with hindsight the 'deadline' was unrealistic in the first place? Maybe you caught a bug or are fighting one off or even reached a PB in training and this has depleted you a little in the energy arena. Surely that's okay then, if staying healthy and your PB are priorities over whatever the task is. If not, then thats a nudge to reconsider the order of importance and whether the time and energy commitment made is reflective.
Maybe its a prompt to reconsider how much you are trying to fit in every day, week, month... this can be tough to assess, as we are naturally harder on ourselves than anyone else, so try thinking about it from anothers viewpoint. If you had to hand over ALL your tasks to someone else, someone you liked, would you? Or would you reduce them in some way or miss a few out first?
Anyway, so I made another brew and sat and enjoyed the sun coming through the windows for a while longer before I felt the desire to write come over me and I came up to my laptop. For the joy of it. In fact, whilst I am in that lovely 'love, joy, ease' feeling I may write a couple others whilst I am here; I do have a holiday coming up and so that will help future me :0)
